On January 3, 2009, an unknown figure calling himself Satoshi Nakamoto “mined” the first Bitcoin and launched a modern-day Gold Rush. Fifteen years later, there’s still no significant use case for cryptocurrency; wild price swings have failed to establish it as any sort of store of value, and a rogues’ gallery of actual rogues has hijacked, rug-pulled, swindled, and scammed millions of hapless “investors” across the globe. Most famously, crypto whiz kid Sam Bankman-Fried is arbitraging cans of tinned mackerel in the same prison where Epstein didn’t kill himself, while he appeals his conviction on federal fraud charges.